posted by Elizabeth Thornhill on May 27
My birth mom Shelia passed away on April 28th of this year from lung cancer, just two weeks after my Uncle Dwayne (her brother) passed away from lung and liver cancer. This has been the second worst time in my life and I can honestly say that it is the second death that has effected me to such a degree; the first being my Nana. I’ve been through a lot over the past month and given some circumstances it’s going to continue to be difficult for me to carry on without her. She had my heart from the moment I knew she existed. Even though I never knew her for 29 years, there was this unexplainable bond.
Shelia was my confidant. I could talk to her about anything and never had to worry about her judging me. Regardless of what I told her she always gave me good advice and she always ended the conversation with “your momma loves you and if you need me no matter what time of the day or night, you call me”. She had such a big heart and she loved the three of her kids unconditionally (for those of you who know the circumstances behind all of us you would be AMAZED at what a big heart and PATIENCE this lady truly had).
She was my best friend…I could talk to her for hours and even when I wasn’t technically supposed to be on the phone (at work or school) we would text message each other (Aunt Libby can vouch for this as it was probably half my fault that she had such a huge cell phone bill each month).
Mom was funny! She always knew what to say to make me laugh, even if tears were falling. She always knew that a smile was all I ever needed to get me going again. There were even times when she was in the hospital that she was able to make us all laugh. I’m going to miss this about her. It’s one of the things I truly love about her.
Mom and I used to get in the car together and drive around town just to talk. I never thought that I would ever be able to say that I went to a bar with my mom…BUT I DID! Mom and I used to go the Hog Stop in Texarkana. This was a biker bar that was owned by a friend of my brother Keith. We had one particular table we always sat at. We would sip margaritas, shoot pool and talk girl talk. This was the coolest thing about having a mom like Shelia. She truly was my best friend and we had a lot of fun together.
She was a proud mother! She may have regretted having to give me up for 29 long years but she never regretted that I’ve managed to be so successful in my life and she always told me how proud she was. She never had to worry about me. She knew that I was okay on my own. I was one less burden on her shoulders and I’m thankful for that. I never would have done anything to hurt her. I couldn’t have been able to live with myself if I had. She had enough burdens to bear in her life without one more. She always told me to tell my adoptive parents “thank you” for doing such a good job at raising her only daughter and firstborn child. She was very grateful to them for taking me under their wing.
She had a heart of gold! She loved people and people loved her equally as much. She had faith in God and regardless of how tough her life and situations were she always replied with a smile that God would get her through it.
She was a trooper! I will never know if my mother was ever truly suffering throughout her battle with lung cancer. She never spoke ill of her condition and she never complained. She always had hope and faith and she always had a beautiful smile on her face.
She was beautiful! I don’t think that I’ve ever seen my mother that she wasn’t a ray of sunshine in my eyes. Even when mom was sick it wasn’t noticeable. Her blue eyes (which I was blessed enough to inherit) were always shining and full of life! I’m proud to say that I look like my mom.
I remember the first time I ever spoke with my mother (via telephone). Dietrich and I had just moved back to Arkansas from Ohio at Christmas in 2003. That following January, Dietrich and Hunter and I drove to Searcy to visit with Dietrich’s birthmother. Brenda (D’s birthmom) had asked me if I was still looking for Shelia. I had been for years but had put it on hold because it was consuming me and I was getting extremely frustrated because I wasn’t getting anywhere. DHS wouldn’t help me. Nobody would help me! Brenda had asked me had I looked on any of the geneology sites on the internet. I hadn’t because I had never had an account with any of them. Her friend had give her a username and password to use to work on her family tree and she logged into this account for me to show me how to use it and to show me what information I might be able to find there. It wasn’t 30 minutes after logging onto this site that we found exactly what we were looking for. My Aunt Libby (mom’s sister) had left a post saying that they were looking for me. There right in front of my eyes was all of the information I had ever known regarding my birth. Brenda had yelled at me from the other room to come look. We were both so excited we could hardly stand it. I didn’t get any sleep that night whatsoever. The very next day Brenda called the phone number from the website and she got hold of my Aunt Libbie who said that mom was going to totally flip by getting a phone call from me. She had been looking for me shortly after she had given me up.
Dietrich called Shelia for me because I didn’t want to put her on the spot. I didn’t want to force myself on her and I wanted to make sure that this is what she wanted before I spoke with her myself. She thought that because a man was calling her telling her that he knew where she could find her daughter that it was a joke. Without telling me that she had said no she didn’t want to know anything Dietrich handed me the phone and I said hello to her. She told me that the moment she heard my voice that she knew I was truly hers. It just so happened that this phone call was on Keith’s (my youngest brother) birthday. Mom and i talked for HOURS. We exchanged email addresses and began talking on Yahoo Messenger. We sent each other pictures back and forth. It was really strange because I never felt the need to ask her any questions about why she gave me up. At that point I really didn’t care…I was just thrilled that she wanted to be a part of my life. After we had been talking for about a week mom finally asked me if I had any questions for her. I think that she was shocked that I didn’t. She began telling me her story in bits and pieces and the in-between’s I figured out on my own. She gave me names and that was the end of the conversation. She always told me that as much as she disliked the man that if I ever felt that I wanted to find my biological father that she would do anything she could to help me. I have never had the desire after knowing what he did to my mother.
I called my Aunt Libby back the following day and we tried to think of a way to surprise Shelia the following weekend with a visit to Texarkana. Libby arranged to have mom and my Aunt Betty at her house when we arrived. Aunt Libby carried Hunter (who was only 4 months old at the time) to the back of the house where mom was and the moment she saw him she knew who he was. She was carrying him in his car seat back to the front of the house when I heard her say “Is my daughter here? Where’s my daughter?” I knew who she was immediately after I saw her. There was no doubt…after all looking at her was like looking at myself in a mirror almost. We hugged and hugged and hugged some more and neither of us wanted to let go. I will never forget that moment of that very day for it was truly the happiest day of my life. God had answered my prayers and he had give me the opportunity to meet her, which had pretty much been my only prayer through life. Mom’s too! Our prayers had been answered! Mother and daughter reunited. I also met my brothers later that day.
Mom and I never had one single argument in the 6 short years we had together. I think there might have been one time when I frustrated her and I’ve never forgiven myself for that, even though, at the time, I believed it was for my own good to do so.
I have had many wonderful moments with Shelia, and even as I’m writing this the memories are flooding my mind, and of course the tears are falling. I’m so proud to be able to say that Shelia, of all people, was the woman I had been looking for. I’m proud to say that even though we didn’t know each other for such a long time I am so much like her, and was even before we met. I’ve inherited so many good qualities from such a good person that I can’t help beaming with pride.
Mom: You were my friend, my sister, my inspiration, and my mom! You always knew how to make me smile. You loved me for everything that I was regardless of how imperfect. You were proud. You showed me love unlike any other I will ever find in this lifetime. I thank you for every memory, every smile, every laugh, every moment we spent together…and even every tear! I thank you for being one of the most memorable and pleasurable parts of my life. I will NEVER forget you. You are my heart and soul. You were my mom and now you’re God’s angel! I am so proud to be your daughter. I love you with every breath that I take and I will hold you dear to my heart until I see you again.
Shelia’s Little Lamb,
Liz
